July 25, 2014
Last fall, I had this mindset that by the summer time, I’d have reached my target weight and I’d look exactly the way I’ve been wanting to for the past eight years. And now that summer has come around, yes I have reached my goal and yes, I feel way more confident. But at times I still have those thoughts of, “Why don’t I still look like those other girls? I weigh the same as these gorgeous people. Why do I still not have their figure?” And let’s be honest, I’m not even going to pretend like I eat healthy all the time. I indulge on an ice cream sundae all by myself at least once a week. I still drool every time I pass by an In-N-Out burger. I still crave pizza almost every waking moment of every day. But I’m not going to say that that’s my downfall because even with cheat meals, I make sure that I exercise enough to burn it all off. But I always feel like no matter how hard I try that whenever I see these models and gorgeous women that I will never look like THAT. Even now with a 26 inch waist and 34 inch hips, I feel as though I will never be small enough or curvy enough to get the figure that THOSE girls have.
And then I remembered that not everyone’s bodies are the same. Not everyone has the same metabolism. Not everyone loses weight the same way or in the same places. It’s different for everyone. Everyone’s bodies react differently to weight loss and weight gain. And I need to stop constantly feeling like I need to look like other people. I need to just love my own shape. And in truth, that was always the goal - no matter what weight I was at - I needed to accept my body. I may have smaller measurements than most women, but I still have a lot of flab - and that’s okay. I don’t have a body like Candice Swanepoel - and that’s okay. I may not have much hips and my figure is closer to boxy and boyish than it is to curvy - and that’s okay.
And no, this is not for other people’s purposes. This post is not open for judgment. This post is not meant to tend to anyone’s viewing pleasures or to fish for compliments. This is purely for acceptance because less than a year ago, I would have been way too scared to even post such revealing photos. But when you’re finally confident enough to bare more than you are comfortable with, then that should mean something. This is acceptance. I don’t celebrate every high and I don’t hide every low. This is me being accountable through both the good and the bad. This is me finally being one hundred percent comfortable enough in my own skin to share my story with everyone. This is progress. It’s what I have been striving for all along.